Once more, I find myself back to the pages of this worn journal, my pen gliding endlessly along the page as I write whatever it is that’s on my mind, no matter how foolish or how useless the information, if you would call it information that is. Just the simple musings of one as silly as I, though perhaps in time that’ll change, and the pages of this ragged diary will be filled with stories and tales of grandeur…or not. Ha.
Today I have bid farewell to the ocean city of Limsa, I write to you as I have boarded the airship setting sail across the vast ocean of clouds my destination Ul’dah. In times past, it was called by another name than just the ‘Jewel of the Desert.’ The city of dreams is what it was called, though I may be mistaking it for another city…my thoughts haven’t been the most concrete as of late. I suppose that’s okay, it’s not as if you will sprout a mouth and begin chastising me anytime soon. What will I find here I wonder? It’s been many seasons since I’ve returned to this city, I wonder, has the inn that I used to call home been torn down? Or is it still standing attended by that old man who raised me? I highly doubt it, as he’s been long gone for many seasons now…and yet in my memories, he’s still alive and well, taking care of that foolish girl who tried her best to be a boy so as to not be bullied by the many street children in that slum she called home. Perhaps I will find whatever it is I’m searching for in this city, or maybe I won’t, either way it matters little as I have no clue what it is I want. A friend? A lover? Somewhere to call home? These questions battle endlessly in my mind as they strive to find a simple answer, but are unable to. I admit; I’ve always been this way, alongside my indecisive personality, both have plagued me worse than the cursed Ixali in the woodlands of the shroud. Still, this is a part of me and invariably will be the most decisive thing that makes this foolish girl as foolish as she is.
Enough with this talk. I do not mean to ramble in you, my only confidant, so instead I’ll share with you a tale from seasons past, a tale that I had forgotten until now. Is it a coincidence? I wonder…
As the airship approaches Ul’dah I’m reminded of the nostalgic sights of the desert down below, the harsh humid wind that blows, strangely calming to the shaky heart that beats within my chest. Indeed, this land is like a mother to me, inviting me in and feeding my senses with the sentimental aromas and sights that I’ve been away from for so long, as any mother would feed her hungry child.
It seems I’ve rambled on once more, apologies oh dear confidant. Curse these muses for what they do, guiding my hand only to fill your pages with nothing but the ramblings of an indecisive foolish girl. I apologize profusely.
As for the tale I promised you, I have to apologize for a third time as it’s not your average tale, but rather a chain of memories that were once so dear to me, so dear, yet I had forgotten about them until now. What does this say of me, oh confidant? No matter, for I am as forgetful as the last aldgoat trailing behind its flock, going astray many times along the path they travel together. Yet unlike this aldgoat, I have no shepherd to guide me back after I had lost my way. This shepherd is what the tale is about, about a boy as foolish as I, who filled the head of a silly girl with tales and stories of what he would do, a boy who promised her the world and never held to that promise. Is it heartbreak you may ask? None of it, for as the seasons passed I came to an understanding that it was nothing but the musings of a child who had found his first love, and of a scatterbrained girl who desperately wanted a prince to cling to, a fairytale beginning to her dull life.
Even after many seasons have passed, and these memories returning, I’m reminded of the familiar feelings I used to hold, the shudder that would run down my back as I trailed behind him, my eyes fixated on the back of his head…his red hair. This boy…what is he to me? I wonder.
I have to apologize for the fourth time oh dear confidant, as I believe I’m out of time to recant this tale. The airship is about to land, and I need to gather my belongings, no matter how few. Perhaps I can bother you more this evening, as the day is still young, and the night even more so.
Yours,
Cydni Eloise Aizah
Cydni's Journal 