I used to scoff at the idea of keeping a personal journal filled with my own thoughts, ambitions, and whatever else embarrassing things that I keep locked away in my head…but lately I think I may have gotten a change of heart, or I’m just bored to tears, and this is the only way to keep my sanity. Either way, for the next who knows how long, I’ll be recording my days in this beat-up journal. Speaking of which, where did I even get this? Some of the pages are missing numbers; the spine is in tatters, and I swear on Nophica’s tits it smells like a wet Miqo’te…Yeesh, not even a moment into this, and already I’ve done off topic; this doesn’t bode well now does it? Anyway…for today I think this’ll do it; I don’t have anything else to mention as it was a very uneventful day the majority of it spent in my inn room in Limsa staring at the hustle and bustle of the marketplace below from my window.

I really am foolish.

After finishing writing in you, I decided it was best to grab a drink seeing as how the day was already drawing to a close, I bumped into a one-night stand I had, had a few weeks prior…Foolishly I decided to head with her to Costa thinking there was something between us…but a one-night stand is just that, no emotions to be had before, nor after, a spur of the moment that you regret in the morning. Yet why did I assume there was something between us? Am I that desperate for someone to cling to? To be myself around? How foolish…and yet the pain in my chest won’t go away, this feeling of loneliness only growing each passing moment. Have I always been this way? Perhaps, or is this part of growing as well?

The indescribable feelings of the emotions you possess that arise out of seemingly nothing, the loneliness you feel spending the night alone, the farewells you never had the chance to say. I hate this. I really hate this.

Indeed, I really am no stranger to these emotions, nor in rejection, but even if your skin is covered in scars from battle it does not mean the next sword that slices you will not penetrate, on the contrary, it’ll only re-open those wounds and add to them.

I really should have stayed in my room.

Yours,

Cydni Eloise Aizah

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